A lot of people are curious, and there is nothing wrong with
wanting to learn new things. The
desire to learn and gain understanding is an admirable thing, but what if you
are curious about personal details of another person? You see someone who appears to be different from you in some
noticeable ways, and you are curious about why they have those noticeable
differences. Do you approach
them about the matter? If so
how? The best way to gain
information about a person regardless of ability or difference is to get to
know them. If you are the
impatient type whose microwave just can’t heat up noodles fast enough, and you
have to know about their condition right away I have a few do’s and don’ts you
might want to consider.
First, if
you do not know the person, do take the time to introduce yourself prior to
your inquiry. No one wants to talk
about personal things with anonymous jerks; seriously, even attention grabbing
celebs get annoyed by this kind of behavior.
Secondly, it would be nice to request permission to
ask a personal question before you inquire about the part of them that you feel
makes them different from everyone else.
This will show that you are aware that you’re planning on asking a total
stranger about the details of their body.
It will also allow you to gauge how comfortable they are with sharing
about themselves with people they barely know. People have different personalities and temperaments
regardless of ability. Some people
are an open book, and don’t mind talking about anything with anyone, and others
prefer to get to know people before they reveal anything personal. Asking for permission first will also
give them the option of saying “no thank you”, so you won’t have to feel
awkward about bringing up an unwanted topic, and if they are okay with being
asked, it gives them a moment to prepare for your question.
Thirdly, ask in a respectful manner
that does not comment on their differences or assume things about them. For example, if you were approaching
someone like myself you might say “If you don’t mind could you tell me a little
bit about your condition? It’s
okay if you don’t want to. I am
just curious.” This shows the
person that you are genuinely interested in learning about their condition, and
that you respect their right to privacy.
Do not ask questions like “Why do you walk funny?” or “Damn you’re
skinny why is that?” These kinds
of questions tend to make him or her uncomfortable, and put an emotional
barrier between the two of you.
This will most likely cause the person to give you a reply that is
extremely brief, and therefore, not very informative. Also, while you are putting them in the “other” category,
this kind of behavior will cause him or her to place you in the “ignoramus”
category. Don’t ask assuming questions
about the person’s ability like “who drives you?” or “who takes care of
you?” A lot of impaired people
drive, and take care of themselves, and even if the person can’t drive it
doesn’t matter what form of transportation they use. The person has obviously figured out a way to get
around.
Lastly, when they answer
listen with an open mind, and allow them to give you their perspective on the
subject. It would also be nice to
engage in a little chitchat about some other topic afterwards. No one likes to be asked and then immediately
left; it makes you feel so cheap and used. If you follow these guidelines you can satisfy your
curiosity without causing offense, and allow them to give you their side of a
subject that they most likely already knew that you were wondering about.