An angry letter written to the grandmother of an autistic
teen has sparked public outrage towards its writer. Ontario resident Brenda Millson received an anonymous letter
from a neighbor who was furious with her and her autistic grandson Max
Begley. The writer was infuriated
with thirteen year-old Begley’s constant whaling and screaming in Millson’s
backyard. The author said that she
was an angry mother, and described his whaling as “DREADFUL”, and wrote “it
scares the hell out of my normal children.” The irate mother goes on to refer to Begley in a number of
derogatory ways that cast him into an “other” category including: a wild
animal, idiot son, and retarded kid.
The author also made claims about the future of the thirteen year-old
stating that “no employer will hire him” and “no normal girl is going to
marry/love him.” The writer then
goes on to suggest that Millson have Begley euthanized, and donate his
“non-retarded” body parts to science.
Since the letter went viral on the Internet many have referred to its
creator as an evil monster. The
author’s behavior was inexcusable and extremely unkind, but I would not
classify this person as a lone evil villain.
The neighbor’s claim that Begley should be kept hidden or
euthanized, because of his condition is not a new ideology. At the turn of the twentieth century eugenics
was rising in popularity and in the 1903 the American Breeders Association was
formed. They believed it was
possible to create a stronger race of people by controlling who is allowed to
reproduce. They began passing laws
mandating the forced sterilization of people considered “unfit to breed.“ They passed laws in 24 states calling
for the forced sterilization of the: mentally challenged, mentally ill, blind,
deaf, epileptic, feebleminded, sexually deviant, criminals, and physically
deformed. These laws also targeted
the Native Americans, African Americans, and Hispanics. Between 1907 and 1981 the United States
forcefully sterilized 65,000 people.
The neighbor’s viewpoint is terribly misguided, but it is also sadly
unoriginal.
There is another aspect of ableism at play in this
situation, and that is the belief that impaired people are not capable of
handling accountability or constructive criticism. It is clear that the writer had never spoken to Millson or
Begley. The letter was addressed
to “the lady that lives at this address.” The author also refers to Begley as
Millson’s son when he is actually her grandson. It is clear that they have never even met. If the neighbor had simply spoken to
Millson and Begley about how his actions were scaring her young children the
situation could have been handled without anger, hate, and hurt feelings. There are a number of statements in the
letter that indicate that the author did not feel comfortable addressing the
issue without being anonymous. The
frustrated neighbor wrote “I hate people like you who believe, just because you
have a special needs kid, you are entitled to special treatment.” The author also stated, “Nobody wants
you living here and they don’t have the guts to tell you!” These statements, the excessive use of
exclamation points, and the amount of words in all caps indicate that the
person wrote it was filled with anger that had been building for a longtime,
and finally reached a point where it could no longer be contained. I am not excusing her behavior; it was
entirely inappropriate, but I also believe this is an example of a buried
grudge that was not dealt with properly.
When a person carries anger they hurt themselves and most of the people
around them. Impairments and the
ramifications of those differences should not be taboo topics. If someone with an impairment is doing
something that is bothering you, or is inappropriate it should not be a sin to
approach that person about it with the same level of respect that you would
show anyone else. We need to
nurture a culture where all differences can be talked about openly with
sensitivity and candor.
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